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June 16, 2015     News     
Rachel Dolezal Now Claiming to Be Founding Member of Bad Brains


SPOKANE, Wash. – After resigning from her post as president of the Spokane, Washington chapter of the N.A.A.C.P due to a highly publicized scandal regarding her race, Rachel Dolezal created even more controversy on Monday by claiming to be a founding member of legendary hardcore punk band Bad Brains.

The 37-year-old Dolezal claims to “have been there since day one” when describing her association with the band that formed in 1977 (when Dolezal was less than a year old).

Dolezal’s parents, who are white, have stated publicly that her daughter was no where near Washington D.C.’s punk scene in the late ’70s, or 171-A Studios, and that she has never expressed any interest in punk music until very recently.

“I… don’t understand… why people have a hard time… believing this,” stated a confused Dolezal when confronted by reporters. “Being in the Bad Brains shaped my entire identity, they are like family to me.”

Bad Brains frontman HR has remained relatively quiet on the situation, and refused to comment on a picture Dolezal produced of the two, which she says proves HR is her father.

Article by The Hard Times Staff. Photo courtesy of Rachel Dolezal & Greg Kolls.

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-Jimmy Fallon:

“How about this woman Rachel Dolezal in Spokane, Washington? She was president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP but was exposed as a white woman who was pretending to be black. A lot of people are upset, especially her white friends who thought they had at least one black friend.”



-Conan O’Brien:

“Rachel Dolezal, the white woman pretending to be African American, has resigned from her position in the NAACP. She was last spotted walking out of the NAACP offices with a box full of her Coldplay CDs.”



-Seth Meyers:

“It was a beautiful weekend in New York. This is how nice the weather was: I went outside without sunscreen for about an hour, and I was elected to run the Spokane NAACP.”



-Jon Stewart:

“So her mouth says, ‘I don’t understand the question.’ But her eyes say, ‘F-k. I’m busted.’



-Larry Wilmore:

“Sorry lady, you are white, you don’t get an opinion on this. This is not a Buzzfeed quiz — Which ‘Living Single’ character are you?”



-Deon Cole on “Conan”:

“You thought she was black? She looks like every white girl that went to Jamaica on spring break.”



-Angela Morrison on “Late Night with Seth Meyers“:

“The only thing I fault the NAACP for is the use of ‘colored people’ in our name. I am not a colored person. I’m black. Rachel Dolezal is a colored person. She is literally a person who colored herself, and that color is tangerine sable.”