Government Shuts Down, Nation Descends into Riots, Looting and Cannibalism
Daniel Greenfield
The United States of America (1787-2013) came to a swift and sudden end last night as the government shut down. The nation which had survived Pearl Harbor, the War of 1812 and Jimmy Carter ceased to exist.
The savage population, which had only been kept in line through a policy of rigorous gun confiscations, food stamps and Green Energy programs unleashed its pent up rage in a spree of riots, looting and mass murder that had only previously been encountered in Somalia.
"The government shut down! We can do anything we like," shouted Sam Hasbley of Grassley, Iowa, while tearing the tag off a mattress despite an explicit warning label forbidding such a dangerous course of action. "Tear yours off. The government is shut down. It can't stop you."
Eyewitnesses spoke of further horrors. On a quiet street in suburban Massachusetts, a man brought out a set of highly illegal lawn darts. In Maryland, there were allegations that an entire family had begun digging ditches to collect rainwater runoff.
With the fall of the government, citizen activists took it upon themselves to chronicle the culture of lawlessness. Men played Gibson guitars made of wood imported from India, but not finished by Indian workers. Women bought cold medicine without a photo ID. Children went hours without hearing lectures about the environment.
The victims were many. In Chuckolod County, Colorado, a transgender person was denied access to the Ladies Room. Frantic calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to an answering service in Depar, India, instead of Doneparre City, Indiana. In Brooklyn, New York, an overweight Senegalese woman was unable to obtain a sign language interpreter while waiting on line to collect her free Obamaphone. In Olegon Falls, Florida, the National Museum of Native American Yarn was forced to shut down depriving schoolchildren of an educational experience and three hours throwing bits of yarn at each other.
And there was worse to come.
The entire city of Detroit was seized by the Michigan Militia backed by Canadian air power. The village of Frankfurt, Illinois passed several ordinances in explicit violation of Title MXVIII of the Federal Charter of Approved Fruit Naming Ordinances. North Dakota seceded and declared that it was now the nation of Bismarckia, elected a Kaiser and petitioned to join OPEC.
An army of Mongols or possibly local residents dressed in Samurai helmets raided the Federal Dried Peach Reserve in Georgia hauling away thousands of tons of dried fruit and tossed them to waiting crowds. The end of food stamps in Martho, New Jersey led to an outbreak of cannibalism despite efforts by ACORN volunteers to bring order to the proceedings by soliciting volunteers to give up their privilege and be fed to the people.
In Massey Hills, Virginia, a gang of politically incorrect sports mascots entered a workplace and implicitly hurt the feelings of several minorities. Their calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to Eric Holder's private voicemail along with frequent messages from his coke dealer demanding to be paid, like right now, and requests for weapons manuals from several Mexican cartel bosses.
In Madison, Wisconsin, the entire United Organized Educators and Librarians Union attempted to commit mass suicide on the front lawn of the Madison Center of Union History to protest budget cuts and school closings. Their efforts proved in vain when the gasoline they poured on themselves in a failed attempt at self-immolation turned out to be apple juice.
In Caplow City, Maine, President Gerald Ford, long thought dead and believed to have been buried in Michigan, appeared and declared himself to be the nation's new leader. While some suspect him to be an impostor based on the plastic texture of his mask which has a hastily erased message reading "Impeach Nixon" on the side, the city fathers have chosen to embrace the possibilities offered by Emperor Ford and have set him up in style in a presidential palace on the eight floor of the Caplow Arms Hotel.
In the midst of all this chaos, a weary nation's eyes turn to Washington D.C. But since the shutdown, which also shut off all power, water and press releases to the embattled city, no word has reached the outside world of what is taking place there. The last message was a smoke signal dispatched by Elizabeth Warren from the roof of a burning Capitol Building. An expert in Native American smoke signals decoded it to read, "I told you so. Now we're all doomed."
The only surviving member of the national government outside the dead zone is believed to be Vice President Joseph Biden who showed up on a beach in Waddiddi, Florida, where he has spent hours entertaining himself by building an elaborate 1/100 scale model of the White House out of sand. Attempts to inform him that the tide was coming in have fallen on deaf ears.
As the nation descends into chaos, one thing is clear. The government shutdown has once again doomed us all. Just like the last 17 times.
"Approval ratings go up and down for various reasons... An example is the high post 911 support for GWB even though he could be said to be responsible for the event." --- Box A Rox '9/11 Truther'
Melania is a bimbo... she is there to look at, not to listen to. --- Box A Rox and his 'War on Women'
Dems move to force Republicans to reopen the government
Quoted Text
Dems have hit on a way to use a “discharge petition,” which forces a House vote if a majority of Representatives signs it, to try to force the issue. Previously, it was thought this could not work, because a discharge petition takes 30 legislative days to ripen, so if this were tried with the clean CR that passed the Senate, this couldn't bear fruit until some time in November. But now House Democrats say they have found a previously filed bill to use as a discharge petition — one that would fund the government at sequester levels.
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith
Presiding Republican congressman George Holding of North Carolina was caught by the House camera taking a snooze while his distinguished colleague Louie Gohmert of Texas spoke about “doing what’s right for the country.”
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith
How the Government Shutdown Affects You: Spoiled Brat Edition David LudwiginPolitics 3 hours ago Mic this!25 48 6 15 how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, How the Government Shutdown Affects You: Spoiled Brat Edition
There's been a lot of confusion surrounding the government shutdown and what it means for the lives of everyday Americans. This is particularly true of millennials, who seem especially bewildered about all this business. As such, here's a handy guide to get you through it.
1. Will any shows on Bravo be interrupted because of a presidential address? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, No. Bravo is a cable network. A presidential address would only affect network TV.
That being said, a nationally televised presidential (or congressional) address would most likely come at the end of the shutdown, which experts say could be days/weeks, so you're probably safe.
In order for the shutdown to end, Congress has to pass a spending bill. Unfortunately, House Republicans are refusing to sign anything that funds the Affordable Care Act and President Obama and Senate Democrats are refusing sign anything that defunds the Affordable Care Act.
2. Why is anyone taking somebody with the last name "Boehner" seriously? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, His name is pronounced Bayner, not Boner.
But to answer your larger question, people are taking Boehner seriously because he is the Speaker of the House of Representatives, which along with the Senate, is responsible for passing laws and funding the government. Speaker Boehner is in a particularly difficult position, having to mediate between the right wing of the Republican party (who were elected on repealing the Affordable Care Act) and the moderate wing of the Republican party (who realize that a government shutdown is damaging to the American economy).
When the shutdown ends, John Boehner will be the key.
3. Can I still charge things to my parent's Bank of America platinum card? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, Yes. Although the name "Bank of America" has the word "America" in it, it is not run by the United States government.
Remember, a larger piece of the debate over the government shutdown is the October 17 deadline for passing an extension on the debt ceiling, which likely will affect everyone, including big banks like BOA.
Economists warn that failing to raise the debt ceiling (which would cause the government to default on its loans), could have catastrophic effects, reminiscent of the “Great Recession” of 2008. Therefore, in an effort to avoid another economic crisis, it is likely that any deal to fund the government, will also address the larger issue of the debt ceiling.
4. What does Tom Cruise have to do with all of this? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, Literally nothing.
But Ted Cruz, the junior Senator from Texas, gave a 21 hour and 19 minute speech on the floor of the Senate against Obamacare that arguably started this all. Cruz is popular with the Tea Party, the same constituents who support House Republicans. They believe The Affordable Care Act is the worst thing since Green Eggs and Ham.
5. Does this in any way affect the shipping status of the fan mail I just sent to Miley Cyrus? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, No. The U.S. Postal Service is still open for business, as it is not funded by the U.S. government.
While the government is shut down, most essential agencies remain functional, such as the military, disaster response, and the IRS. Meanwhile, House Republicans are trying to pass piecemeal budget items, such as funding the National Institute of Health, which could ultimately force Senate Democrats to prolonging the shutdown.
6. So can I bring a bottle of Veuve Clicquot Brut with me on my flight to Paris? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, No.
The TSA is an essential agency, which means it is still functioning and the old five ounce rule applies.
7. My friend got the week off work, how can this happen for me? how, the, government, shutdown, affects, you:, spoiled, brat, edition, Quit your job. If you have one.
The shutdown furloughed approximately 800,000 of our 2.1 million federal employees. Furloughed employees aren’t getting paid, which means anyone could simulate such an experience by simply taking time off, quitting their job, or becoming unemployed.
"You really have to call Cruz, I'm not even joking about that. That's really what you have to do, because he's the one that set up the strategy, he's the one that got us into this mess, and so we've got to know what the next move is."
-- Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA), quoted by the New York Times, when asked what Republicans were going to do next in the budget standoff.
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith
"The twin shutdowns of 1995 and 1996 had a theme: Cut federal spending, especially on Medicare, to eliminate the budget deficit in a prescribed length of time. This time around, even many Republicans no longer know what they want to achieve."
Said Rep. Dennis Ross (R-FL): "I think now it's a lot about pride."
NY Times
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith
Speaker John Boner and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann celebrate the government shutdown!
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith
83% of government is still online and fully operational.
The sky is not falling.
And it can't be that bad if Obama is weighing his opinion on whether to change the name of the Washington Redskins....But then again, he's just as big a race baiter as Sharpton and Jackson. It's like crack.
"Approval ratings go up and down for various reasons... An example is the high post 911 support for GWB even though he could be said to be responsible for the event." --- Box A Rox '9/11 Truther'
Melania is a bimbo... she is there to look at, not to listen to. --- Box A Rox and his 'War on Women'
"Approval ratings go up and down for various reasons... An example is the high post 911 support for GWB even though he could be said to be responsible for the event." --- Box A Rox '9/11 Truther'
Melania is a bimbo... she is there to look at, not to listen to. --- Box A Rox and his 'War on Women'
"While Foreign Terrorists were plotting to murder and maim using homemade bombs in Boston, Democrap officials in Washington DC, Albany and here were busy watching ME and other law abiding American Citizens who are gun owners and taxpayers, in an effort to blame the nation's lack of security on US so that they could have a political scapegoat."
yes, they didn't have health insurance because they can't afford it but they have 3 HD tv's a PC, 4cell phone, and 2 lap tops.. it's called tossing the dogs under the king's table some scraps so they leave the king's big plate alone.........
status quo.....NOT CARE......not obama care....it's called the insurance vig...when there's not enough players at the table toss some free chips around with drink coupons and everyone's in.....
...you are a product of your environment, your environment is a product of your priorities, your priorities are a product of you......
The replacement of morality and conscience with law produces a deadly paradox.
STOP BEING GOOD DEMOCRATS---STOP BEING GOOD REPUBLICANS--START BEING GOOD AMERICANS
People though it was a panic when the housing market collapsed and the taxpayer was on the hook to bail them out. Now they are linking the heath insurance industry to the stock market, where every Americans premium will be invested into derivatives and hedge funds.
Every American is OWNED by Wall Street. Fascism won!
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